A Big Thank You to My Whanua in the Sky

I awoke on the Maroi reserve this morning feeling as cool as a cucumber, which was odd. I was about to do the most life threatening adventurous thing on my bucket list during my year out. I had had 1000 times more nerves in my belly before zip lining or riding an elephant. As I said odd and that alone should have set my alarm bells going. The only thing I thought was it’s very cloudy and not a great day for a skydive. I wanted to see all the action and the landscape as I jumped out. I kept hoping for a break in the clouds.

We spent the morning ambling towards Taupo. We stopped off at a hot boiling stream where some had a hot tub bath. Then on towards Haka Falls, which gush enough water every three minutes to fill an Olympic size swimming pool. There the lucky six were picked up by a limo and taken to Skydive Taupo, home of the hot pink plane Pinky.

After a quick safety briefing, choosing our music for our souvenir DVD, and getting suited up, we were boarding our bright pink plane before I knew it. I had the lovely Amos as my instructor and the guy who would have my back, literally. Tall, broad, and quite dishy. I felt I was in perfectly safe hands.

I was the second to last to get on. Rebecca and her instructor followed on after me. Without hesitation, we were taxing towards the main runway and then take off! As soon as we were airborne, Amos started hooking me on to him, fiddling with my leather hat and my goggles with a soft, gentle and warming touch. Again, I felt surprisingly calm. I could see lake Taupo below me, the clouds had cleared and it was a beautifully sunny day. Ka pie (sweet as)!

Then I heard the distinctive sound of the engine stalling. A sound I’d heard many times as a child when my father used to fly an ultralight and the engine would cut out. I tightened to Amos. “This isn’t normal is it?” He replied “Yeah, it’s all fine”. His voice, the frightened look on the face of the instructor in front of me, and my own instinct knew instantly it wasnt.

Simultaneously I heard the beep, beep, beep of a distress signal coming from the cockpit and one of the instructors go “What’s the procedure?” then “Out. Out. Out”. Before you could really take in what was happening, the door opened and we were shuffling towards the exit. I didn’t have time to register what was going on. I just calmly held on to my harness, tilted my head back, thought to myself “banana” (the position you assume before jumping out of the plane) and we were out the door. A few seconds of free fall and the parachute deployed. I still felt an overwhelming sense of calm.

Clearly in front of me was the lake and the shore. I could see the plane veering to the left and nosediving into the lake. I watched as it crashed into the lake and broke up into hundreds of pieces. My only thought was that the pilot didnt make it. He couldn’t have had time to get out. It all happened within seconds. I remember saying out loud to no one in particular “He didn’t make it did he? The pilot didn’t make it.” Amos soothingly replied, for his assurance just as mine I think, “Were ok. Were alright now. Were ok.”

Still calm, I took in the stunning view in front of me. My thoughts then turned to the landing. There was a thick dense forest surrounding the lake and only one small clearing. We had deployed at 1500ft instead of 15,000ft. So I knew we were coming in quicker than we should. But still I felt calm. Amos had this. He’d get us to that clearing. “We’re fine” he kept repeating.

As we got close to the landing he said calmly, “Knees up. Legs up. We are going to land on our bums.”

11 January 2015, Wellington to Picton ferry

(Note: I was too tired on the day to finish the account of the story. I suddenly felt quite overwhelmed re telling it. Here is the rest of it along with my post, post event thoughts.)

The landing had been one of the parts of skydiving I had worried about most before we took off, but even at the speed we came in at, it was all relatively soft. My legs landed in some bramble bushes and scratched up my ankles, but that was it. Sitting there on my bum, legs straight out in front of me, Amos behind me, he said “Stand up.” I put my hands at my side and pushed up. Nothing. Again Amos said, “Stand up.” A little firmer this time. I’m not sure if his firmness was out of worry that I’d broken my legs or out of frustration as he wanted to get up to see how the others were. Again I tried to push up with my hands at my side. It wasn’t until the third time that Amos said stand up that I realised I’d need to move my feet under my ass, then push up! This was the most panicked I ever felt during the whole ordeal.

Once up, we gave each other a hug and slap on the back with a “You alright?” Amos instructed me to stand by the blue parachute whilst he went to see where the others were. The calmness in me told me somehow instinctively that we were all ok, even the pilot. I can’t explain that knowing feeling. It was just there. I then saw Sandria coming towards me with a beer in her hand. She appeared from near a Maori truck. A heavy set Maori lady came over and gave me a hug and asked if I was ok. I could see boats hovering near the crash site I presumed looking for the pilot. Amos came back. He’d located everyone, even the pilot. “We are all ok” he said. We are all fine.” “Even the pilot?” I said. He told me he had landed in some tall bramble bushes, was fine, but couldn’t get out. Amos started gathering up the paracute and gear. “Can I help with anything,” I asked. “Can you carry my helmet.” He instructed me to head to the police car around the corner.

By this point, all the emergency services had arrived. Police. Ambulance. Fire Brigade. And a chopper. The police stated collecting my details and slowly the rest of us arrived. I can’t remember the order, except I think Brian was the last to come around the corner. Although I knew in my gut that we were all alright. It was good to see everyone and have confirmation.

The police kept us in a cordoned off area for counting purposes. We were then taken back to the dive site where we went through a detailed hour long police interview. Then back to the dive site where the owner sat us in his office and talked to us. By this point the press had arrived out front, so Mozzie drove the bus to the back of the hanger to pick us up so we weren’t photographed. The instructors offered us a beer. There in the sunshine we celebrated a lucky escape. Everyone seemed to be in relatively good spirits and there was a lot of joking and banter. In such high spirits, that we decided to take group photo of the survivors. A friend later commented that I was absolutely glowing in the picture. Nothing like a near death experience to perk you up!

And that was it. We departed around 4.15. Three hours later than scheduled. The most surreal part was finding myself in a supermarket a half hour later, walking around with a hand basket trying to decide what to eat for my next two dinners, two breakfasts, and a lunch. I kept thinking, “I was just in a plane crash, and now I’m buying groceries.” The two didn’t correlate. And that was it, back on the bus, back to the tour, back to normality.

The days haven’t quite been entirely normal though. We have been getting some special attention. The Stray Ops Manager drove down to our overnight stop at Blue Duck Station to see if we were ok. He brought a case of beer and two bottles of wine and gave us unlimited free wifi. Friday, the marketing manager from Skydive Taupo came down to our hotel at National Park and put on a BBQ and offered an free open bar. She also brought us t shirts, which I was terribly excited about. I remember thinking after the crash, that I was gutted not to get one. There have been requests from media for interviews. I’ve declined, but Scott did a full on interview which I watched. We’ve been offeed free bus passes and a free opportunity to skydive again.

But the main difference, has been the euphoria of being alive. It has created an aura around me that is radiating light and positivity. I can’t stop smiling. I know this as I’ve had more random approaches from strangers, particularly men, in the last fews days than I’ve had in years. I’ve also noticed that colours seem brighter. Natural landscapes seem more amazing. Life seems more precious.

These are feelings though and not cognitive thoughts. It’s hard to explain, but I never felt like I was in a life threatening situation. I’ve never felt like I could have died. Even now, days later. I know the press are calling us the “lucky thirteen”, it just doesn’t feel that way.

I’m not religious, but several years ago I started saying little prayers to my family members who’ve passed away to look after me when I feel I need it. Usually it’s just a prayer to my Aunt Sue. Sometimes I add my Uncle Danny. The more serious the prayer the more people I call upon. Before the skydive I said a prayer to everyone I knew, Aunt Sue, Uncle Danny, Grandma Best, Grandpa Best, and Grandpa Courtney to keep us all safe on that journey. I know I’m here today because the pilot was quick thinking and the instructors executed their emergency procedures with military procession, but I feel that my angels were looking after us too. And I know it was my whanua (family) in the sky that was there with me through it all, keeping me calm, and keeping me safe. I thank them too.

4 February 2015 (Wednesday), Auckland, NZ

It’s hard to believe that nearly a month has passed since that day of the skydive incident. It dramatically shaped my time NZ. I’m back in Auckland now, seeing out my last few days quietly doing admin before I head to Fiji. However, I knew I had some unfinished business to take care of before I left. I knew I had to retake my skydive before leaving. I didn’t want to live with that fear and that regret the rest of my life. And I knew that I could only redo my skydive with Skydive Taupo. I needed to return to the scene of the incident. No other place would do. So that’s what I did yesterday!

I think I knew soon after the incident that I would go back, but it took some time to build up the confidence. Often during the rest of our NZ trip I would hear other travellers talk about their skydives. The thrill of the free fall and the exhilaration of seeing the earth from so high up with nothing around you about air. Jealous would rise up in me. I wanted to feel that too! That’s why I had wanted to skydive in the first place. But the fear of getting back in that plane made me nauseous every time I thought of it. I knew I had to get back up, but had no idea how I’d find that nerve.

As with lots of things in life, I decided I just needed to take it one step at a time. So first action was to change my travel plans. I had planned to end my Stray tour in Christchurch and fly back to Auckland. But with time on my hands and short of money, I decided to accept Strays offer of extending my bus pass for free to circle me back to Auckland from Christchurch. At that time, the plan was to hop off in Wellington a few days and travel back up to Taupo on my own. Mozzie convinced me to stick with the bus and travel back the rest of the way to Auckland with him. He had a few days off before the next circuit, and said he’d work with the Stray Ops Manager, Spoon, and Skydive Taupo for the both of us to get down to Taupo on Monday to take the jump together. I went with it.

Sunday morning I woke up sobbing. I escaped to the fire escape exit and had a complete breakdown. The thought of getting back in a little plane terrified me. I felt physically sick at the thought of it. All the what ifs I hadn’t allowed myself to think about before started swirling through my head. Here it was, nearly a month later, and the reality of the fact I had escaped death hit me head on! I still wanted to retake my jump, but I had no idea where I’d get that courage.

I won’t lie, I was relived when Mozzie told me that the weather wasn’t looking too great, so we’d have to drive down Tuesday instead. That was the last possible day we could do the jump together. I logged on to check the weather forecast for Taupo hourly. It continued to look questionable.

Monday morning, I woke up sobbing again. The thought of going back to Taupo was too much. I kept reliving the takeoff and initial ascent in my head. Every cell in my physical body was urging me not to go through with it. My head fought back saying you have to do this. I whiled away the day waiting for the word from Mozzie. Finally the confirmation came through, we would take the Stray car down Tuesday morning. I was to meet him at the Stray office at 7.30 am.

One thing I’ve learned over the last few years is how to block out thoughts. So that’s what I did Tuesday morning. I put all those thoughts about the skydive incident and the what ifs of the days jump into a box and locked the key. I kept telling myself that I was simply on a day trip to Taupo with Mozzie.

I seriously don’t think I could have found the nerve to go back there without Mozzie by my side. Driving down was reminiscent of the last several weeks sitting beside him on the Stray bus. We played Digger and Spaceships, where you shout out if you see one of these. We played the classic tunes and burst out laughing at the inside jokes and obscurity of the situation. One of the classic tunes was the theme song to Top Gun. Mozzie always had an appropriate song for every part of our bus trip. After the skydive incident, we had gotten back on the bus to proceed to Blueduck. Unplanned, this time, the second song played was the TopGun theme tune. So surreal, but so fitting!

The naseousness returned as we pulled into the Skydive Taupo parking lot. Mozzie and I kept cracking jokes about it all and that helped settle me some. It was also so lovely to walk back in and see so many familiar faces from the first time. We were greeted warmly and almost celebrity like. Even more amazingly, when I walked in I noticed someone in the hanger all suited up and about to jump that looked familiar. Tentively, I called out “Julianne?” Her face turned and she ran over to me, gave me a big bear hug and nearly picked me up off the ground. It was her! Julianne, whom I’d met on Stray Asia in Cambodia! So so nice to see a friend. Such a blessing.

The nerves getting the better of me, I dashed off to the toilet. On returning, I spotted Amos, sitting outside having a break. It was good to see him again. Greetings and hugs done, we had a small chat, before he went back to work and I got ready.

It was hard to keep myself from thinking about things as we got ready, particurlaly going through the same procedures as before. Safety video. Choosing music. Going into the hanger. Getting the jumpsuit and equipment on. It was all going so well, until the plane came into sight and I heard the engine noise. Overwhelming fear doesn’t even come close to explaining how I felt. I was petrified. From somewhere I was forcing a smile on my face, but if you look at my eyes you can see how terrified I was!! I have no idea how I got on that plane. It was simply mind over matter. I was not happy at all at being the first on. That meant the last out if anything went wrong again. I was squeezed into the back feeling trapped. I grabbed Mozzie’s hand with my left hand and Amos’s leg with my right hand. Amos was brilliant at reassuring me by talking me through everything he was doing and everything that was happening. I mentally had to take myself out of that situation. It was pretty windy out, and the plane wiggled from side to side quite a lot, for my liking anyway, as we went down the runway and through the take off. I was frozen to my seat with fear, probably holding my breath through the whole initial ascent. And then Amos tapped me on my shoulder, pointed to his arm device showing our altitude, and said, “Hey Gwendolyn, we are at 3,000ft!” A deep sigh of relief came over me. I started to breath again and a genuine smile swept across my face. 3,000ft was almost twice as high as we got to before and I knew if anything happened then we’d be ok.

I suspect that most people fear the sitting on the edge of the plane door, and jumping out, and the free fall. The portion of the experience I feared the most was over, so the rest seemed a walk in the park. Don’t get me wrong, I was still nervous, but that gut renching fear had gone. Finally, we jumped! From 15,000 feet this time! Plummeting towards the earth at 220 kilometres an hour was the most exhilirating experience ever. Everything was just whizzing by. Scary, but amazing at the same time. After 60 seconds, the canopy opened. Amos reassuringly said, “Look up Gwendolyn, we have a good chute.” And there we were, floating through the air, so high above the earth, with nothing between us and the ground but air. It was a beautiful day. Sunny, slightly cloudy blue skies. Amos pointed out the east coast in the distance. The blue lake of Taupo below us. I could see for miles. Breathtaking. This is how I imagined it! This was the sensation I had wanted to have the first time!

Too quickly it was all over, and Amos and I were safely back on the ground. I was grinning from ear to ear! Amos asked me if I wanted to do it again, and without hesitation I said definitely! I loved it! And then I remembered I’d have to make the plane ascent again, so maybe not.

In the days leading up to the retake jump, I had thought that once it was all over, I would fall to the ground in tears, overcome with emotion. Instead, I went running back to the hanger with the biggest grin on my face! Skydive Taupos motto says it all, “Fear is temporary. Achievement is permanent.”

I’ve had many adventures during my trip, but this one I know I’ll never forget. Ever!

*I was later interviewed by the New Zealand Hearld. You can read the story at: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11396091

**R.I.P. Pinky. Just saw a video in my hostel with you featured. Sad to think I was one of the last people to fly with you.

***For me, music has a way of taking you back to a specific moment in your life. The songs listed below and their words will always take me back to my skydive jump in New Zealand:

– “I did it all. I owned every second that this world could give. I saw so many places. The things I did. With every broken bone, I swear I lived.” I Lived by One Republic.

– ” Upon a hill across a blue lake, That’s where I had my first heartbreak. I still remember how it all changed. Don’t you worry child. Don’t you worry child. See heavens got a plan for you.” Don’t You Worry Child by Swedish House Mafia.

– “Were only young and naive still.” Young Blood by The Naked and Famous.

-Top Gun anthem.