Last night I accidentally stayed up several hours past my bedtime scrolling through the latest dating app I had installed on my iPhone. It’s a mindless pastime. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. Hum. Maybe. Swipe right. And a depressing one too! At one point, all I could focus on was how incredibly horrible most of the men’s profiles were! Seriously guys, just what are you thinking when you upload those photos and profiles? Out of frustration and exasperation, I share with you some helpful tips (and example photos from my recent scrolling) to help you improve your profile and hopefully snag you a swipe right in the future.
1.try not to look like an axe murder
I’m clueless to what Dom 41 (pictured below) was trying to portray about his personality with this image. Holding a baseball bat, wrapped in barbed wire, in a ready to strike pose does not entice me to go want to meet a stranger in a bar on a dark night. Just saying. Try including an image of you petting a dog instead.
2. crop out the women in your pictures
I can assure you, no prospective women wanting to date you wants to know what your previous girlfriends and flings look like. Some of us are an insecure, jealous lot. Crop them out boys!
3. put some clothes on
It’s great that you’re over 40 and can still rock a six-pack, but I really don’t want to see your naked body until we hit the bedroom. Enjoying the fantasy of what you might look like in the buff is part of the fun. And besides, for us women who aren’t equally toned, we decide we can’t compete with your obsession with the gym and swipe left anyway. Oh, and if it’s a selfie, even worse.
4. Shelve the laying in bed selfies
Preferably remove the selfies altogether. Don’t you have any friends that can take a picture of you? But ones in bed are a real turn-off especially when I haven’t met you yet. Save these for our intimate texting sessions after we’ve gone on a few dates.
5. ditch the meaningless photos
You have approximately 2 seconds to catch my attention. When an unfocused image of an indecipherable scene is the first one on your profile, I’m just left shaking my head going WTF?
6. Tone down your confidence Levels
I can assure you Mark, 47 below that you are not ‘dead sexy’. Try practising some self-depreciation instead or at the most saying something like my friends say I’m dead sexy, but I’ll let you decide.
7. Ban blurred images
The point of a picture of you in your profile is to let me see what you look like. I get nothing from these blurred images, and actually if they are all blurred left thinking you’ve nabbed them off the Internet and they aren’t you anyway.
8. Put some text – anything – in your profile
Give me something to go on here. I want to hear the tone of your voice and get a sense of your personality before I swipe right. Knowing that your name is Timm and live 17 miles away gives me nothing.
9. leave out perplexing sentences though
In the case of words, sometimes less is more and will serve you better. Jeffrey, 45 includes this mind-boggling sentence ‘I teach alligators how to tap dance. It is a bit of niche market.’ Huh?!
10. save the costumes for Halloween
I get it. You want to show me that you don’t take yourself too seriously, but you can portray this without random images of you in a chest barring gladiator costume.
On second thought boys, keep doing what you’re doing. It helps me sort out the wheat from the chaff.